Ever notice how much of a pain it is when you run out of toothpaste? The problem is that you don’t buy the essentials unless you are out, which means you have to go a day without them. The key is to buy bottles of shaving cream, deodorant, toothpaste and shampoo when you don’t need them. Otherwise, you will run out and have no back up. When you do buy them, buy multiple bottles and keep them under your sink.
Two basic suits will get you through all of your interviews. If you don’t need to wear a suit to work, those same two suits will last you even longer because you will probably only wear them three to five times a year…combined. One important mistake to avoid, which I know through experience, is that suits are dry-clean only. I ruined a perfectly good suit one time by throwing the suit pants in the wash with my other laundry.
Now that you are growing up you will be buying nicer clothes on occassion. Pay attention to the washing instructions before attempting to clean them. It is no big deal to throw your “Drunk Chicks Dig Me” tee shirt in the laundry without thinking, but it will wreck your day if a suit or $75 shirt is ruined because you were careless.
Remember, you are a big boy now. Don’t try to be cool and think vitamins are for chumps. Not only do vitamins help you be healthy, but they also help you out with energy. Do you know what the big ingredient is of Red Bull and 5-Hour Energy? B-vitamins. B-vitamins boost you energy big time.
Now, if you had a normal healthy diet, you don’t need vitamins. But, since you eat pizza for 4 meals a week, taco bell for 3 and fries are your only vegetable, vitamins are essential for you. So, swallow your pride and take a multi-vitamin every morning. We guarantee, you will feel better all day long.
Nine out of ten bars have jukeboxes and they are almost always playing music. Having a token jukebox song will not only make for good conversation, because there is probably a story behind it, but it will also get you pumped up regardless of the scene at the bar. Make sure that your song won’t embarrass you though. It is perfectly acceptable to play Kid Rock, Alabama, George Straight, O.A.R., Driving and Crying, Steve Miller Band or Jimmy Buffet, just to name a few, but no matter how much you may like Hansen or Backstreet Boys don’t make that your selection…or at least don’t claim that it’s yours.
I feel confident in saying that every group of friends makes fun of each other. I am also willing to bet that my group of friends does it more than any other. Nothing is off limits when it comes to ragging on your friends: breakups, deaths, race, job losses, accidents…they are all acceptable. With that being said, if you take offense to any of it then they will continue to come at you. Don’t dish out the comments if you can’t handle them. Also, if you really feel hurt over the comments then you probably aren’t that good of friends in the first place. Good friends make fun of each other just to get a laugh, even if comments are true. Instead of sulking in misery, try to think of something really good to blurt out at the proper time to shut them up for a couple of minutes while you drink your beer knowing that you got to them.
Be willing to help anyone when they need it. You can be the nicest person in the world, but if you always refuse to help someone when they ask then it is going to look weird and people will assume that it is some social flaw. On the same note, don’t feel obliged to always help people because at some point it will become expected and they will start taking advantage of you. If someone isn’t returning the favor at some point then they probably aren’t worth going out of your way so often. If you do turn them down, always say you are “busy” with other obligations.
Unless you are planning the event or know someone who works at the bar, don’t be the first person in the group to show up at a happy hour. It will look like you are such a loser that this happy hour is the highlight of your week and you were so eager for it that you wanted to be sure to get there first. Being the last to leave is much more acceptable than being the first to arrive. If you are the last one to leave, it generally means that you met some new people, hopefully women, and are enjoying their company.
Don’t be that guy who is sitting in a quiet office only to have his cell phone ring to the tune of “My Milkshake Brings All The Boys to the Yard”. Younger people will laugh at you and realize you have major issues and the older employees will think you are disrespectful. A normal ringtone is a happy medium. Just be sure to keep it on vibrate or on low during meetings.
Nothing is more embarrassing than deciding to chug a beer with someone only to cough it up seconds into the chug. Man up and slam the beer like a champ. Anything over 5 seconds is unacceptable. Also unacceptable is trying to act like you finished the chug when really there is half a beer left. Whatever you do, never use an excuse like, “Bro, I can’t chug keg beer”. Learning to chug will make you more acceptable socially and also impress that beer-guzzling, monster of a woman who looks attractive at 2 am…
If you show up at parties an hour after they start, then you are fashionably late. If you are running late for happy hour, then everyone assumes that you were so busy and are in such high demand that you just couldn’t possibly get away in time. If you show up late to a sporting event, then you are a bad fan who doesn’t deserve to be there in the first place. Sporting events are some of the greatest experiences that one can have. To disrespect the tradition and walk in late is just plain rude. Get there in time to tailgate and relax, but have the decency to show up on time and support your team. Be late for weddings and funerals, not ballgames.
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